File Text Edit
Guru Surfboard (AI43-PE)
(interview with custodian [REDACTED] after theft of AI43)
A: After touching the item, what did you experience?
[REDACTED]: I experienced confidence! Cranked all the way up. I wanted to become somebody. An artist, a stock trader.
A: How did these feelings manifest externally?
[REDACTED]: Don’t know. If I’d gotten out there, to the city, I’d have done so many things. Made my fortune, gone out and owned the world. That shit was mine. I would have taken it all. Money, fame, women—
Agent: You also experienced an increased sex drive?
[REDACTED]: Yes! Increased everything! I’ve been cleaning shit for you people long enough! I’m going out on a fucking conquest!
A: Would you say you’re still under the effects of the object?
[REDACTED]: Who the fuck are you to keep me in here? I’m worth four of you, you suit-wearing piece of shit. Twenty!
A: The Bureau appreciates your candor. You are no longer required.
[REDACTED]: I’m [REDACTED] fucking [REDACTED]. Remember that name!
(end of relevant portion)